Idiot seraphim tres
by Meowzy-chan
Summary: Set one year after Idiot seraphim deux, Mithos finally finds a way to revive his sister. But she is not so pleased with the current situation. Will Cruxis's idiots survive the wrath of Martel? Pairings: ZexLl, KrxYu, MixGe
1. Prologue

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim tres.

Disclaimer.

First off, I don't own Tales of Symphonia, or the characters. This counts for all chapters to come.

Secondly, this story is a bit alternate universed, since it diverts from the original ending. If you want more insight on how it diverts, read the previous Idiot seraphim fics.

Thirdly, I suppose the characters are a bit out of character. This always happens when I write a fanfic. There are some who find my view of characters refreshing. Others yell at me for it. But don't worry. I'll try to keep your image of them intact.

Fourthly, this fic supports the couplings of KratosxYuan, LloydxZelos and MithosxGenis. If you can't stand the couplings, don't take it out on the reviews. M'kay? This story was written for the sake of comedy and fangirling.

Furthermore, I want to apologise to all the YuanxMartel shippers. I'm really very sorry.

Fifthly, it never hurts to leave a review! And it makes me very happy! So… if you have time… (hint hint)

* * *

Prologue. 

For everyone who suffers from short term memory loss, and for everyone who is just too lazy to read an extra thirty minutes, I shall recap the events of Idiot seraphim in this prologue.

It all started off when the guys of Cruxis hired Zelos to be the fourth seraphim. Zelos agreed, and was dragged off to Vinheim the second, where he could live from now on. After a rowdy party at Lloyd's place, Zelos awoke next to the birthday boy. The guys from Cruxis ofcourse, knew all along he was gay. Zelos still denied it, and tried to find distraction in Cruxis's radical actions against discrimination. When he faced certain death however, he admitted that he is in fact gay. Later on, when everyone was celebrating Mithos's four thousand and thirteenth birthday in Flanoir, he admitted to Lloyd that he may have feelings for him. And so, two years later, Zelos proposed to him. Lloyd accepted. But then the boy went missing. Zelos, Kratos, Yuan and Mithos embarked on a quest to find him. After being dragged around the entire united world, they found out that Lloyd had been kidnapped by none other than Colette Brunel. The girl wanted revenge, because Lloyd had used the Kharlan tree to start his Mana company. The company that supplies mana throughout the world, without exhausting the tree too much. Colette demanded half of the company, but Lloyd refused to budge. After a fight against Forcystus, who had been forced to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair after the Iselia ranch incident, the guys managed to free Lloyd in time for the wedding. As there were no objections, since Colette had lost her voice again, the two got happily married. A year passed. But now, a new threat lies on the horizon.


	2. Chapter one

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Hiya everyone, and welcome to yet another part of the Idiot seraphim series! This is most likely the final part, m'kay? I know how much you love me, but it's got to end some day. Though that day is not today! That day is still a few weeks away! Now, enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter one. 

One night, in Mithos's laboratory in Vinheim, the terror began. Mithos completed the masterpiece he had been working on for three years.

"It's alive! Aliiiive!" he chanted, and lights flashed menacingly in the background. "Ah, those darn disco lights…" Mithos turned back and pulled the plug on his high-tech party gear. Meanwhile, about twenty feet away, a mechanical dome opened, revealing a woman with long, green hair. She appeared to be somewhere in her early twenties. The woman stirred and opened her eyes.

"Martel! You're back! You have a body again!" Mithos called cheerfully. The woman known as Martel sat up and stared blankly at her hands.

"I have… a body?" she repeated.

"Yes! I finally created the perfect vessel for you!" Mithos smiled excitedly.

"Four thousand years… Four thousand years, I've been waiting to do this…" Martel got to her feet and walked towards her younger brother. Mithos, who was expecting a grateful hug from his sister, opened his arms. Then he got slapped in his face.

"Man, that felt good! Four thousand years, I've been waiting to give you a good spanking!" Martel hissed.

"Eep! Why?"

"First, you misinterpret my dying wish, turning you into some crazed dictator. Then you refuse to let me die in peace, and tie my exsphere to the tree that is supplying the world with mana. Next, you split the world into two, kill thousands of innocent people, manipulate the entire population, and you drag poor Yuan and Kratos into it too! Four thousand years, I've been waiting. Watching. Unable to do anything. And damn, it was boring!" Martel shrieked.

"Looks like someone got out of the wrong side of her hyper electronic cocoon this morning." Mithos mumbled. Martel slapped him again.

* * *

"So this is where you live now? I suppose you're compensating for something then?" Martel and Mithos were wandering the large corridors of Vinheim the second. 

"Why do people keep saying that?"

"Oooh, where does this door go?" Martel pointed to a random door. Just one of many hundreds of doors in that corridor.

"Huh? That would be the-" Mithos began, but Martel had already pulled the door open. Immediately, both Kratos and Yuan came falling into the hallway with a bang.

"Broomcloset." Mithos finished.

"My ribs…" Yuan grunted, sitting up and looking around to see who had had the nerve to interrupt him and Kratos. Then he stared straight into the face of his fiancée. "Martel! Uh… This isn't what it looks like!" he called, before promptly fainting.

"Yuan!" Kratos quickly caught him, but then noticed the look on Martel's face, and dropped him again.

"Yuan… Kratos… broomcloset…" Martel muttered, turning red with anger.

"You've been watching for four thousand years, but you didn't know Kratos and Yuan were a couple?" Mithos asked, slightly amused. He got slapped by Martel again.

"You know how hard it is to keep an eye on all of you! Besides, you were the one always getting into trouble!"

* * *

Yuan slowly awoke. He was feeling strangely lightheaded. He opened his eyes and looked to his right, where he saw Kratos. 

"Heh. Hey Kratos, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt Martel had come back to murder us…" Yuan laughed. The idea was preposterous.

"Uh… Yuan… Look down. Or uh... up." Kratos said slowly, pointing up. Yuan did so.

"Oh my god, we're hanging upsidedown over a pot of boiling water." Yuan shrieked, flailing helplessly. Indeed, both guys were hanging by their ankles, over a large black pot.

"Yuan, calm down. You were always a wimp." Came Martel's voice. Yuan looked around and saw upside down Martel standing next to a smirking upside down Mithos.

"Dammit Mithos, what did you do? How did you do it? And whyyyy!" Yuan called, shaking his fist.

"Why? Are you not happy to see me, Yuan dear?" Martel asked suspiciously.

"I… Uh…" Yuan looked down, which was up for him, and saw the boiling water. "Yes, ofcourse I did!"

"If you really wanna know, I used Tabatha as a prototype to create a another automated doll. More sophisticated, detailed, and like the real Martel. Plus, it had Martel's exact mana signature." Mithos explained.

"Stop bragging Mithos, nobody cares." Martel snapped. Yuan suddenly remembered why he liked Martel in the first place.

* * *

((I want to apologise to all the Martel fans again. I'm sorry!)) 


	3. Chapter two

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Wow, so many reviews already! Let's see...

**Katandshadow:** Yes indeed, you were the first to review! -_hug_!-

**Invader Meow:** I really enjoyed writing the broomcloset scene. And imagining it.

**DraN:** Lol! That must mean Zelos has been spanked quite a lot when he was little!

**Shinomori:** No worries, I always write more.

**Blackdrak: **My sister hates it when I giggle too. Sigh...

**Woogly:** Yesh, you should feel sorry for Yuan. He's gonna have it pretty rough this fic...

Enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter two. 

"Now, what were you doing with Kratos? Did you forget about me? Did you forget what our engagement ring stands for?" Martel demanded.

"I uh… No!"

"Where is your ring anyway?"

"Well, see… I was washing my hands, and decided to take it off. I placed it on the sink, but then it suddenly slid down the drain." Yuan muttered, looking away.

"So you didn't decide to call a plumber? Stick your hand in the drain? Have one of your renegade lackeys search the pipes?" Martel narrowed her eyes.

"Well, I…"

"No excuses!" Martel snapped her fingers, and the rope binding Yuan's ankles got longer, hence bringing him closer to the boiling water. Yuan shrieked like a little girl and flailed around helplessly.

"You didn't even try to revive me in the first place! You didn't help my brother in his attempts to bring me back, even though they were totally unwanted from my side. Instead, you start these… Renegades to kill off the chosens, and therefore every chance of my revival. I think that, in a way, you were glad to see me dead!" Martel turned away.

"No! That's not true! But if you were revived, the great tree would vanish! There were thousands of lives at stake!" Yuan called.

"You don't care about me at all!" Martel said in a whiney voice. She snapped her fingers again, and Yuan got dangerously close to the boiling water of doom. Mithos sniggered, and got slapped by Martel.

"I do! I do! I'm sorry!" Yuan tried the good old puppy eyes technique. Martel softened up a bit.

"Awww, you're just a big puppy after all! I can't stay mad at you! Besides, I bet Kratos tricked you into it!" Martel glared at Kratos, who had been biding his time by swinging around in a bored way. This got his attention though.

"What are you implying?" Kratos shouted.

"You've had your eyes on Yuan ever since we started our journey, you little sneak! I should've seen it before!"

"Are you kidding? Yuan was the one who came to me!" Kratos called.

* * *

/Flashback time/ 

"Martel! Whyyy!" Yuan shouted, running towards a large cliff.

"No! Yuan, stop!" Kratos ran after him.

"Kratos, make love to me now, or I shall fling myself off this cliff!" Yuan shouted.

"What?"

"Just do it, damn you!"

"But your fiancée just died! Don't you think it would be a bit heartless to…"

"Fine. If you don't care about me. I'll jump!" Yuan walked towards the edge of the cliff and prepared to dive.

"No! No! I'll do it!" Kratos called, grabbing Yuan and pulling him back.

/End flashback/

* * *

"And that's what happened." Kratos said nodding. Mithos, Yuan and Martel stared at him. 

"Don't listen to him! He's lying!" Yuan shouted.

* * *

/Flashback time/ 

"Martel! Whyyy!" Yuan shouted, running towards a large cliff.

"No! Yuan, stop!" Kratos ran after him.

"What's the point? The love of my life is dead! All is lost!" Yuan shouted, preparing to jump off the cliff.

"No! You still have me!" Kratos called. Yuan froze.

"How dare you say such a thing! My only love has just passed away, and all you can think about is getting laid! You're so heartless!"

"You'd rather kill yourself too then?" Kratos shrugged.

"I uh…" Yuan stared down the awfully high cliff. "Oh, fine! I shall come with you, because you tricked me into it."

/End flashback/

* * *

Everyone stared at Yuan, who was nodding wisely. Suddenly, Mithos burst out laughing. 

"What's so funny, twerp?" Yuan growled.

"You're both wrong!" Mithos grinned, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. "Here's what _really_ happened!"

* * *

((Ooooh, so what exactly _did_ happen 4000 years ago? You'll have to wait till next chapter to find out!)) 


	4. Chapter three

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Whoohoo!

**Ookami Aya: **Yesh, I support YuanxMartel too. Just not in this fic. (Plus, I prefer YuanxKratos! Muahah!)

**Blackdrak:** -_Updates the story cause you hypnotised me into it_-

**Katandshadow:**You burst out laughing in class? Oh my... Didn't you get in trouble?

So... here's what reaaally happened!))

* * *

Chapter three. 

/Flashback time/

"Martel! Whyyy!" Yuan shouted, running towards a large cliff.

"No! Yuan, stop!" Kratos ran after him. Suddenly, the auburn-haired man tripped on a rock and he practically flew forward. He crashed into Yuan, who was unable to get out of the way, and they both fell down the cliff. They shrieked like little girls, since it was a long fall. Suddenly, Mithos appeared on the edge of the cliff.

"Hey guys, I'm gonna tie Martel's exsphere to the great seed, to preserve her soul! Say outch if you agree!" he called.

"Oooooooooooooooutch!" both Yuan and Kratos screamed, as they hit the ground.

"Alright!" Mithos grinned and turned back.

/End flashback/

* * *

"And that's what _really_ happened." Mithos said, crossing his arms. 

"Ow yeeaaah…" Yuan and Kratos muttered.

"It's obviously Kratos's fault then. If he hadn't slipped, none of this would've happened." Martel stated.

"That's the stupidest conclusion I have ever heard." Kratos grumbled.

* * *

And so the guys were giving Martel a tour of Vinheim the second. 

"… And this is the living room." Mithos opened the door and entered said room. Martel skipped in after him, dragging Yuan along with her. Kratos trudged behind them, muttering to himself. Zelos, who was watching the TV, dropped the bag of cheesie-poofs he was holding.

"Hunny!" he called in a reflex. "Oh… sorry. I mean… Woman!"

"You!" Martel shouted, pointing at Zelos.

"… Me?"

"You're the guy who replaced me!"

"Who're you?" Zelos stared.

"Mithos, I demand that you fire this bum at once!" Martel turned to her younger brother.

"I can't. We have a binding contract." Mithos shrugged.

"Fine! Then he can be the fifth Seraph." Martel stated.

"Fifth Seraph? For four thousand years, there have been four seraphim, and now you're saying there should be five?"

"Don't contradict me!" Martel slapped Mithos again.

"It's all fine by me…" Zelos returned to watching TV.

"Hunny, I'm home!" called a voice. Everyone turned to see Lloyd walking into the room.

"Hunny!" Zelos squealed, jumping up from the couch and running to meet his husband. "How was work?"

"A fat lady came into my office today…" Lloyd complained, sitting down on the couch and putting up his feet. Martel coughed to get his attention. "Hey, you seem oddly familiar. Who're you again?" Lloyd eyed the woman.

"Take a guess." Martel grinned.

"Kate?"

"… No."

"Hilda?"

"… No."

"Marble?"

"… No…"

"… Koton?"

"No! You idiot! It's me, Martel!"

"Ooow yeah!" Lloyd grinned. "So how've you been?"

"Oh, just fine really. How's the Kharlan tree doing?" Martel demanded.

"Awesome! The Mana company is making me rich and-"

"Mana company?"

"Yes. I give mana to people who pay for it."

"You what? You misuse the Kharlan tree for your own personal gain? I should take it away from you at once!" Martel shrieked.

"Noooo!" Zelos and Lloyd shouted in unison, knowing that the Kharlan tree was the source of their money.

"I have to do it like this! I can't just give mana to everyone! If I do, the tree will wither and die again." Lloyd reasoned.

"Hey, how about you give Martel a tour of the Mana company tomorrow, to show her that there's nothing fishy about it?" Zelos suggested.

"Heh? Uh... sure." Lloyd shrugged.

* * *

((Next chapter; a tour of the Mana company!)) 


	5. Chapter four

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: And yet another amazing chapter!

**DraNKa:** I'm also kinda wondering if Yuan and Kratos got slapped a lot when they were little. Hmmmmz...

**Katandshadow: **Yup, I'm planning on buying Tales of Legendia as soon as it's out! Can't wait! (yay, I'm on your fav authors list!)

**Woogly:** Awww, the flu? Hope you get better soon. (you're still on about the bookstore? lol!)

Enjoy! Again!))

* * *

Chapter four. 

The next day, Lloyd took Martel with him to the Mana company. Because Martel didn't want to leave Yuan with Kratos, she insisted her fiancée came with her. So the three were roaming the hallways of the Mana company. Martel was yawning widely.

"Why did we have to get up so early?" she whined.

"I always get up at six o clock. You're the one that wanted to come with me, and have a tour, so stop complaining." Lloyd said grumpily, leading them through a door.

"What's this room called then? The slave room?" Martel glanced around.

"No. It's the cafeteria. This is where my employees have lunch." Lloyd explained, as said employees noticed Lloyd standing there.

"Good morning mister Irving!" They chanted.

"Good morning guys. How're the sandwiches this morning?"

"Excellent!" the guys called.

"You're sure they're not slaves?" Martel asked, eyeing the employees.

"Excuse me, mister Irving? Who's your friend?" asked a random guy.

"This is Martel. She's getting a tour of the company."

"Oooh, You mean the goddess Martel?" the guys asked in unison.

"No! Uh… Martel is a… very common girls name. Yeah." Lloyd said quickly.

"Hello, miss Martel!" the guys chanted.

"Do not worry slaves, I will free you all one day!" Martel called dramatically. Lloyd quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her out the door again.

"I told you, they're not slaves!" he hissed. "Geez, now I know where Mithos gets it from."

"Yuan, this boy is gripping my arm! Do something about it!" Martel whined to her fiancée, who hadn't opened his mouth once.

"Huh?" Yuan's thoughts were obviously elsewhere.

* * *

After a small walk, the group ended up in front of a large, metal door. 

"This is the centre of the company. The garden of wealth." Lloyd pushed his ID card into a small slot, and entered a secret code. There was a clicking sound.

"_Voice identification program start-up. Enter voice code."_ Said a robotic voice.

"Zelos is a sissy." Lloyd said into a microphone.

"_What kind of sissy?"_ the voice asked.

"Lloyd Irving's sissy." Lloyd replied.

"_Voice code accepted."_ The large door opened, revealing a lush green garden, surrounded by metal walls. In the very centre stood the Kharlan tree. It was already four feet high, but far from what it was supposed to become. A sign next to it read 'Splinter.'

"We built the Mana company around the Kharlan tree. We didn't feel like moving it. But it has all the necessities right here. And it distributes mana all around the united world." Lloyd explained.

"Splinter?" Martel stared at the sign.

"Yeah, that's what I called the tree, remember?"

"Hm… I must've dozed off back then." Martel mumbled. "A tree such as this shouldn't have a name like Splinter! It should be something majestic! And grand! Like… Yggdrasill!"

"That wouldn't have anything to do with that being your last name, would it?" Lloyd asked suspiciously.

"No, ofcourse not!" Martel said quickly. "You know what, we'll let the tree decide."

"How? Make it flip a coin?"

"I'm still linked to it. I'll ask it myself." Martel approached the tree and placed her hand on the bark. She closed her eyes. There was a silence. "I see. It's decided." She removed her hand from the tree again and faced Lloyd.

"Well?"

"It says it likes the name Yggdrasill better, and that the name Splinter was idiotic." Martel nodded.

"What? But… But…" Lloyd muttered. "How do I know you're not making it up?"

"Are you calling me a liar? You don't trust me, is that it? You're a very ungrateful little boy, you know that?"

"Yuan! Your fiancée is being mean! Do something!"

"Huh?" Yuan's thoughts were still elsewhere.

* * *

((I know where Yuan's thoughts were. Do you? -_grin_-)) 


	6. Chapter five

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Oooh, lots of reviews this time! (yeah, I think 5 is a lot...)

**Da deltadasher demon:** Yeah, most people think YuanxKratos is strange...That's why I'm giving it a comic twist. Thanks for reviewing!

**Infinite blue:** I suppose 'interesting' would be a good way to describe Martel here... lol!

**DraNKa:** Actually, the hot tub and the towels were indeed in his thoughts. Amongst some other things... There was a washtub too. And leather. And... I'll stop now, before I manage to scar you for life.

**Katandshadow:** Yeah, in the first fic you mentioned that the tree was called Yggdrasill, and not Splinter, so I managed to change the course of history with a comedy twist. The tree was originally called Splinter, but Martel ensured it was called Yggdrasill. LOL!

**Blackdrak:** Naaah, you're not lazy! Maybe I just update a bit too fast. ... No, that can't be it either. Ohwells.

This chapter is one of my faves. Mostly due to the immature jokes. So... enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter five. 

Since Lloyd soon couldn't stand it any longer, Martel and Yuan were sent back to Vinheim before lunchtime. This resulted in the five seraphim being gathered around the dinner table for a cosy lunch.

"So… Zelos. Tell me something about yourself." Martel pointed lazily at Zelos with her butterknife.

"Oh? Well uh… I used to live in Meltokio. I was the chosen of Tethe'alla you see-"

"Hold that thought!" Martel cut in, and she turned to Mithos. "This guy was the chosen of Tethe'alla? A _guy_?"

"Err…" Mithos replied.

"You expected a guy to be my vessel?" Martel snapped at him.

"He was born in the mana lineage. It's up to nature to decide whether he's a girl or not." the boy shrugged. "Besides, look at him. He's as girly as possible." Mithos pointed at Zelos, who was entertaining himself by polishing his nails.

"He's still a guy!" Martel argued.

"Does it matter? Tethe'alla wasn't in decline anyway."

"What if it was, huh? Or what if the chosen from Sylvarant was a guy?"

"We'd have him killed, and hope the next chosen would be a girl."

"Wh-what!" Zelos was so startled, he knocked over his bottle of nailpolish.

Meanwhile, Yuan and Kratos were sitting on opposite sides of the table, staring sadly at their plates. When Yuan grabbed a bottle of milk, however, Kratos couldn't help but look up. He soon had to flee the table, suffering from a heavy nosebleed.

"Don't drink from the bottle dear. Glasses exist for a reason." Martel said to Yuan. Yuan ignored her.

"Mithos, I want to meet your boyfriend." Martel said suddenly. This resulted in Mithos jumping up from his seat in surprise, Zelos knocking over the nailpolish again, and Yuan having the unpleasant sensation of milk coming out through his nose as he burst out laughing.

"B-boyfriend? W-what makes you think he's my b-boyfriend?" Mithos stuttered, going red.

"You've been spending an awful lot of time with that boy. Don't think I haven't noticed. I want to meet him, and his sister." Martel replied.

"But… I don't know where they are. They travel around the world, you see." Mithos said quickly.

"I'm sure you can figure out where they are right now. You're so almighty…" Martel argued, a slight form of mock in her voice.

* * *

And so, later that day, the five seraphim arrived at Palmacosta's inn. 

"Mithoooooooooooos!" Genis immediately came running towards them.

"Geniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!" Mithos called, pulling his friend into a hug.

"What have you been up to?"

"Not much… I just succeeded in reviving my sister, that's all." Mithos stared at his fingernails, grinning widely.

"Wow! That's awesome!" Genis looked up and noticed Martel. He approached her. "Hello, my name is Genis Sage. It's an honour to be befriended with your little brother!"

"Well, aren't you a little slimeball?" Martel said smiling, catching Genis completely off guard.

"Genis, what's all this racket?" Raine came wandering in through a random door. "Oh, hey guys, what's up?"

"Hi Raine! We-" Zelos began, but he was rudely interrupted.

"Good day. My name is Martel Yggdrasill."

"Oh, you're Mithos's sister? Hello, I'm Raine Sage." Raine extended her hand. Martel merely stared at it. After a few seconds, Raine hastily pulled it back again. "Oh, hey, if you're Mithos's sister, doesn't that mean you're also Yuan's-"

"Fiancée. Yes."

Yuan, who had been standing awfully close to Kratos, suddenly felt Martel grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to her. Raine gave him a quick look of sympathy.

"Err… Can I get you anything? Tea perhaps?" she asked.

"Actually, I'd love some cookies and-" Zelos began, but he was rudely interrupted once more.

"No thanks. We won't be staying long. I just wanted to meet little Genis here, and see if he's good enough for my little brother." Martel said. The room suddenly grew very cold.

"Are you saying my brother isn't good enough for your brother?" Raine asked, narrowing her eyes.

"No. I'm merely saying that if Genis here does anything to hurt my brother, or put him in a bad position, I'm going to have to cut off all communication between the two." Martel replied coldly.

"Uuuh! I think we'll be leaving now! Come on, Mithos!" Zelos and Yuan each grabbed one of Martel's arms and quickly pulled her out of the room. Mithos gave Genis an apologetic look and ran after them. Kratos, however, stayed behind.

"Hey, if you ever want to kick her ass, I'll be rooting for you." he said to Raine, before hurrying off.

* * *

((-_giggling_- Wasn't it a cool chapter? Let's all hope Raine kicks Martel's ass.)) 

((Heeheeheeh! Kratos saw Yuan drinking from a bottle of milk, and got a nosebleed! Gawd, I'm so immature! Meowzy, get yur mind out of tha gutter!))


	7. Chapter six

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Hey, 5 reviews again! Wowza!

**DraNKa:** Lol! Martel the chaperone! I can see it now! Just when Mithos is about to kiss Genis goodnight, she hops out from behind a tree and grabs him by the ear!

**Katandshadow:** Nya... I want a boyfriend who is identical to Kratos too... Or identical to Yuan! Muahahah! And then we'd go on a double date! (But they'd better not run off together...)

**Infinite Blue:** Heh, fangirl fantasies are a part of fangirl life. -_grin_-

**Woogly:** You name your firewood? Wow, you must've named like... hundreds of them then.

**Off:** Welcome back from the world of the dead! Yay!

Enjoy, enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter six. 

"Seriously, Mithos, what do you see in that little imp?" Martel was lecturing Mithos as the seraphim flew back to Vinheim.

"He's not an imp! And he's my first real friend!" Mithos said sadly.

"What? First real friend? What about us?" Kratos asked, flying next to Mithos.

"You're no friend. You're a backstabber. You steal people's sister's fiancée's." Martel shot at him.

"You know what I mean…" Mithos mumbled to Kratos.

"Whatever happened to that nice Pronyma girl that used to hang around with you?" Martel continued.

"She wasn't a girl. She was an old hag. And Mithos killed her." Kratos said, raising an eyebrow.

"Nobody asked you, fiancée stealer!" Martel shot back, before turning to Mithos again. "You killed her? Such a pity. She seemed much nicer than that little suck up boy."

"Pronyma was a suck up too… That's why I killed her." Mithos mumbled.

"Oh! So that means you'll be killing that Genis boy soon too?" Martel asked hopefully.

"No!" Mithos shouted. "Listen, I appreciate you're trying to look out for me, as older sisters do, but I can take care of myself now. I'm over four thousand years old."

"You don't seem to act like it." Martel replied, before flying ahead with a 'humph'.

"Why were you so keen on reviving her? She doesn't seem like a nice person at all." Zelos commented.

"She's just a bit grumpy because she was asleep for four thousand years, and found out that in the meantime her fiancée turned gay and hooked up with one of her friends. Give her time. She'll come around." Mithos explained.

Meanwhile, Yuan, whose thoughts were once again elsewhere, crashed into a mountain.

* * *

Thirty minutes and a first aid kit later, the five seraphim sat down in the meeting room, for the weekly Cruxis meeting. Mithos remained standing in front of the blackboard. 

"Okay guys, we welcome back one of our original members, Martel." He said solemnly. There was a small silence, in which Kratos glared at Martel, Yuan sighed deeply, and Zelos pulled a magazine out of his pocket. "Right. Well, last week we discussed that one of us should fly over the main cities of the world, emptying a couple of bags of anti-discrimination flyers, with the risk of getting a fine for littering. The poll ended with two votes for Yuan and two votes for Zelos. Now that we have five members, I suggest we take the poll again, to see who will be forced to _distribute_ the flyers." Mithos continued. Martel cleared her throat.

"Errr… Yes?" Mithos stared at her.

"I think that idea is just plain stupid." Martel said simply.

"What? But we worked on it for days!" Mithos stuttered.

"It's really bad. How about leaving the thinking to someone who isn't a complete idiot?" Martel replied coldly. "Oh, no offence dear!" she added to Yuan.

"What do you suggest we do then?" Mithos crossed his arms. Martel got up and pushed Mithos out of the way, so she could face the group.

"You need to attack the problem at its core. You need to find out why people discriminate, and do something about it!"

"Easier said than done." Kratos mumbled.

"Shut it, Aurion! You will speak when spoken to!" Martel threw an eraser at him. "What you need to do is start an anti-discrimination meeting. Invite people who discriminate, but want to change their way of thinking."

"It's a… lame idea." Mithos said. The others nodded. Except for Zelos, who was reading his magazine.

"How far did you get with _your_ ideas, then? It's time someone with brains took over!"

"But… _I_'m the leader of Cruxis, the desians and the church of Martel!" Mithos said weakly.

"Not anymore, you're not!"

"You can't just take over! I won't let you!"

"Just try and stop me!" Martel slapped Mithos in the face. The boy stared at her for a few seconds, and then ran from the room, crying like a little girl. "Anyone else got a problem?" she growled at the others, who quickly looked away. "Good! Start gathering people to come to the anti-discrimination meeting!"

"What are you going to do in the meantime?" Zelos asked.

"I will supervise." Martel pointed to the door, meaning the meeting was over. Everyone quickly hurried away.

* * *

((Poor Mithos... He's having such a hard time! Then again, so are Yuan and Kratos...)) 

((Next chapter; the anti-discrimination meeting!))


	8. Chapter seven

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Gah, my eye is hurting again...

**Off:** I bet Mithos would want a kiss... From Genis!

**Katandshadow:** Awww, you stole Yuan's coffee? Poor Yuan-sama. And yes, erasers truly are a marvelous invention. For throwing.

**Blackdrak: **You can make anything perverted? I'm suddenly reminded of Joey from Friends. Heheh. "There's always room for jello!"

Finally, some radical Cruxis protesting! Enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter seven. 

Two days later, it was time for the first anti-discrimination meeting in the church of Martel, in Meltokio.

"What, that's all you could find?" Martel asked, staring at the group of ten people, that was looking around and chatting uncertainly.

"You expect us to round up an entire horde of people in such short notice?" Kratos retorted. Martel sighed.

"People! Your attention please!" she called, clapping her hands.

"Where's the coffee?" a random guy asked.

"What?"

"That guy over there said there would be free coffee!" the guy pointed at Mithos, who was currently disguised as Yggdrasill.

"Well, that _guy_ obviously didn't know what he was talking about. No free coffee here." Martel glared at her brother. Five random people immediately walked out the door. "Errr… right. Well, I'd like you all to line your chairs up in a circle. You too guys!" she added to the other seraphim.

"How old does she think we are? Five?" Kratos mumbled.

"Do it!" Martel snarled evilly. Everyone was sitting in a circle within ten seconds.

* * *

"Welcome to the very first Cruxis anti-discrimination meeting! Now, I'd like you all to introduce yourself, and say why you are here. Starting with you." Martel pointed at a guy who was sitting next to Yuan. 

"Hey, isn't that the guy who always hangs around at the hot springs?" Zelos exclaimed.

"My name is Ernie, actually. And I'm here because mister Zelos would be here." Ernie winked at Zelos. The ex-chosen made a strange sound of horror and moved his chair back a little.

"Errr… Next!" Martel called.

"My name is Kate, and I'm here because my father, the pope, has some nasty discrimination problems and he wouldn't come if I didn't drag him here myself." Kate explained, keeping her father's arm in a firm lock. Martel looked at him expectantly.

"I'm the pope of Tethe'alla, and I have no clue why I'm here. Perhaps my daughter is a bit paranoid." The pope sighed.

"You forced me to live in Sybak's research facility because I'm a half-elf!" Kate exclaimed.

"That has nothing to do with it. It was for your own good." The pope argued.

"Looks like we're going to have a lot of work to do here…" Martel said, smiling slightly. She turned to the next person, who was in fact not sitting in a normal chair, but a wheelchair.

"Hiya! I'm Forcystus, ex-grand cardinal! I'm here because I discriminate against… well… anything that isn't half-elf. So I'm here in the hopes you can get me off that habit." Forcystus said cheerfully. Yggdrasill waved at him, and he waved back.

"See, that's the spirit!" Martel said grinning.

"Oh, am I up? Errr… I'm the mayor of Iselia. I'm here because… well… I discriminate against half-elves. And I saw the error of my ways after being thrown in jail for a few months, due to an incident involving a moose costume."

"Hey, we read about that in Tethe'alla today!" Zelos exclaimed, having a quick flashback to chapter three of Idiot seraphim duex.

"Good. Well, I'm sure you all know these four seraphim of Cruxis by now. Their radical anti-discrimination plans managed to get them in all the papers several times." Martel looked at them disapprovingly. "My name is Martel. I am the original fourth seraph." Martel smiled. There was a faint "Hello Martel!" from the group.

"Next up, I'd like you all to try and explain why you discriminate. We'll start with…" Martel stared around at the group. "Forcystus!"

"Oh! Okay! Well… I discriminate because…" Forcystus thought for a second. "Well, I used to be the hero of the half-elves. Then lord Yggdrasill came to me, appointed me as grand cardinal, gave me a ranch used to experiment on human slaves and create exspheres from them, and he said that the age of half-elves was soon to come. This gave me the idea that half-elves are better than other races."

"Oh, he did, now did he?" Martel glared at Yggdrasill, who tried to make himself as small as possible.

"This is going to be a long meeting…" Kratos muttered to Zelos, who was busy trying to avoid Ernie's eyes.

* * *

((If I didn't mention him sitting there, you wouldn't even know Yuan was there... Well, don't worry. He's going to get more attention next chapter!)) 


	9. Chapter eight

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: And yet another chapter! Whoooh!

**Blackdrak: **You think I portray her realistic? LOL! I thought it was the most unrealistic thing ever!

**Invader Meow:** I can't wait for your third chapter! But take your time. If you rush things, they might turn out bad or something.

**Katandshadow:** You do enjoy your coffee don't you? Heh. Anything that isn't Yuan isn't smexy? What about Kratos? And your boyfriend? XD

**Ookami Aya:** Ernie is your buddy? Lol! I'm not sure if I'd want him as my buddy.

Enjoy this chapter!))

* * *

Chapter eight. 

By the time the Cruxis gang returned to Vinheim, the sun was already starting to disappear behind the horizon.

"I'd say the first anti-discrimination meeting was a complete success!" Martel said happily.

"Success? Forcystus and the pope got into a fist fight, The mayor simply ran off, and we found Zelos on top of a book cabinet!" Kratos sighed, slumping down on the couch.

"I was hiding from that Ernie guy!" Zelos hissed.

"Who's Ernie?" Lloyd asked, entering the room.

"Eh… Just one of my groupies…" Zelos said slowly, hopping down on another couch and patting the space next to him, indicating Lloyd should sit there. Lloyd did.

"It could've been worse. And besides, the start is always a bit rocky." Martel stated.

"I think rocky is a _bit_ of an understatement here." Mithos mumbled.

"I can't wait for next week's meeting!" the green-haired woman called happily. The group, with exception to Lloyd, groaned heavily.

And now, I'm going to bed." Martel headed for the stairs and waited. "Yuan, come on!"

"Errr…" Yuan seemed to be trying to make up his mind, as his eyes shot back an forth between Martel and the empty seat next to Kratos.

"Yuan, come **on**!" Martel hissed, glaring at him. Yuan cast his eyes at the floor and followed his fiancée.

"Kratos, stop grinding your teeth. It's annoying!" Zelos said through a mouthful of potato chips.

* * *

"Mithos!" 

"Genis, can I play with your kendama?" Mithos muttered, rolling over on his side.

"Mithos, wake up!"

"Ouch!" Mithos felt a stinging pain in his cheek, meaning he had been slapped. "Whazdamatter?" He asked sleepily, sitting up.

"Something's bothering me." Martel said.

"Whuh?" Mithos looked at his alarm clock. "It's the middle of the night! Go bother Yuan or something."

"I tried. He's fallen into some sort of mysterious coma. I can't seem to wake him up."

"Strange. He never used to be such a heavy sleeper… Well, what's the matter then?"

"Tomorrow's a Sunday. We don't have anything on schedule for tomorrow."

"So?"

"We're going to be bored!" Martel exclaimed.

"You worry about this sort of stuff at 3 o' clock at night?"

"Yes! I don't want to be revived, only to live a life of boredom!"

"Just because you have a free Sunday doesn't mean you have to live a life of- Oh, never mind, I'm too tired to fight an argument I'm going to lose anyway. If it bothers you that much, we'll go to Altamira tomorrow."

"Really? Altamira?" Martel's eyes lit up.

"Yes, now, good night!" Mithos lay back down again, and covered his head with his pillow.

"Thanks little brother!" Martel walked to the door, before turning back. "Oh yeah, you're forbidden from dreaming about that boy's Kendama again!"

* * *

The next morning the five seraphim, and Lloyd, arrived at Altamira, as promised. 

"Now, we've got two choices. Either we go to the beach, or we go to the theme park." Mithos said, as they walked through the gates.

"Oooh, let's go to the beach! I want to go swimming!" Martel called cheerfully. Yuan, Kratos and Zelos groaned. They knew what the beach meant.

"Oh dear, will you look at that! We forgot our swimsuits! Looks like we can't go swimming!" Yuan said quickly.

"That's alright dear, there are plenty of stores here. I'm sure one of them sells swimsuits! And I'll find you a pair of trunks that makes you looks the sexiest!" Martel said, and the group could have sworn it sounded a bit like a command.

"Dear lord, the amount of gift shops has doubled **again**!" Zelos exclaimed, staring around.

"I recently signed a contract with Regal, saying he could sell Mana company merchandise too." Lloyd commented. "Which reminds me, I have to go tell him we need to change all the tree merchandise to _Yggdrasill_." Lloyd put a lot of extra emphasis on the last word.

"Whuh?" Mithos took his attention off the bunny women. "What did I miss?"

"I'll meet you at the beach, okay?" Lloyd quickly kissed Zelos and ran off.

"Awww, now I'll be surrounded by hunnies in bathing suits, and I won't even have Lloyd to take my mind off them!" Zelos whined sadly.

* * *

((What will happen to the gang at Altamira? You'll find out next chapter!)) 


	10. Chapter nine

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Wow, many reviews this time.

**Katandshadow:** I think I once saw a fanart of Yuan in a bathing suit... His title was Half-elf hottie or something like that. Seems accurate.

**Blackdrak:** Yup, Martel truly is a bit cruel here, ain't she? The Martel fans are very displeased right now.

**Invader Meow:** I love making jokes about Genis and his Kendama. Heheheh...

**Silvie-chan:** Replied to that in a mail, because it was soooo long...

**DraNKa:** That pic on your Devart is amaaaazing! But I already told you that didn't I? Ohwell, I shall say it again. It rules!

**Cami of Queenscove:** 'Pointless drama is not a substitute for skill. Simply because it reads like a soap opera doesn't mean that it's good.' ... I feel slightly insulted...

Errr... enjoy the next chappie!))

* * *

Chapter nine. 

An hour later the gang had all gotten lovely new swimsuits, and were trudging along the sandy beaches of Altamira, in search of a spot that wasn't overly crowded.

"We're idiots for coming here on a Sunday." Zelos shook his head slowly.

"Don't be silly. Look, there's a spot!" Martel pointed to a spot that just big enough for four persons. But the guys didn't feel like arguing, so they quickly sat down. Mithos started construction on a sand-tower of salvation. Kratos had to restrain himself from staring at Yuan, and Zelos had to restrain himself from staring at the 'hunnies', so both guys were staring at the ocean, their knees pulled up to their faces.

"Isn't this fun?" Martel asked, trying to show off her new, green bikini.

"Yeah… super…" Yuan mumbled, not paying that much attention to her.

Suddenly, someone started screaming in the background. Like some sort of evil wave, the screams soon reached our main characters, and continued to spread across the beach.

"Hm… I wonder what the commotion is." Zelos said, staring around as people started to gather their things.

"Run!" Shouted a random guy, running past them.

"I think it might be something bad…" Mithos added.

"I don't want to dieeee!" wept a random woman.

"This can't be good…" Kratos mumbled.

"We're doomed, I tell ya! Doooomed!" another random guy shouted, grabbing Martel's shoulders and shaking her.

"What's the matter?" Martel spat, shoving the guy off her again.

"There's a tidal wave approaching! It'll swallow Altamira for sure!" The guy quickly looked around, and tried to push his way through the crowd of fleeing tourists. Meanwhile, the seraphim stared into the distance, where a small wave was slowly growing larger and larger as it approached the beach.

"No way is that thing going to swallow Altamira!" Martel hissed, making her battle staff appear out of nowhere, in the way healers tend to do that.

"Whoah! Martel! Bad idea!" Mithos hissed, but his sister wasn't listening. She unfolded her bright green wings and flew upwards. People all around gasped and pointed at her. A magic circle appeared around her as she muttered a quick spell.

"Photon ray!" Martel shouted, pointing her wand at the wave, that was now dangerously close to the shore. There was a flash of light as an energy ray shot out of the end of her wand, and a loud bang to top it off. Everyone in Altamira was showered in drops of water as the tidal wave exploded. The seraphim shook their heads in disbelief.

* * *

"It's an angel! An angel came to save us!" people started to shout all around them. 

"Dammit Martel, you blew our cover!" Kratos screamed, before clasping his hand over his mouth as people stared at him too.

"Martel? Her name is Martel? Ooooh, the goddess Martel has come to save us!" the crowd cheered madly.

"Uhoh!" Martel quickly flew away. There was a small silence, before the crowd started to round on Kratos.

"How do you know Martel?"

"Are you an angel too?"

"Are you Martel's sidekick?"

"Can I get your autograph?"

"Will you marry me?"

"Get away, deranged fangirls! Oh god, the traumas are coming back!" Kratos yelled.

"Now what do we do?" Zelos asked Yuan, who was standing next to him.

"This calls for decoy manoeuvre fifty-six." Yuan replied, as Mithos used some quick sign language to send Kratos that very same message. Kratos nodded.

"What's manoeuvre fifty-six?" Zelos inquired.

"Blend in with the crowd, and find a safe place to teleport back to Vinheim." Yuan said shortly.

"Oooh okay. Hey, wait. I don't know how to-"

"Ready? Go!" Both Yuan and Mithos quickly shot off into different directions, pushing their way through the clutter of tourists. Kratos did the same. The crowd gasped, and tried to follow him. But since there were so many people, there wasn't much room. Needless to say, chaos ensued.

"Teleport…" Zelos finished.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Lloyd asked, approaching Zelos. "I heard something about the goddess Martel having returned to save the believers, and punish the sinners."

"Oh eh… Martel blew her cover. Then Kratos blew his cover. And now people believe that your father is the sidekick of a goddess."

* * *

((Boy, the guys are in trouble now...)) 


	11. Chapter ten

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Awww, only 2 reviews? Well, okay.

**Katandshadow:** Yesh, I'd ask Yuan to marry me too. Though it would be more romantic if he were to propose to me. Heh. That wouldn't happen in 4000 years.

**Blackdrak:** Awww, I'm not worthy of a fan such as you.

Enjoy this chappie! As usual!))

* * *

Chapter ten. 

Making sure they weren't seen, Zelos and Lloyd flew back to Vinheim, where the chaos had already started.

"I can't believe you dare to call yourself the one with brains! You forgot the only seraph rule! Don't go showing off your wings!" Kratos yelled at Martel.

"Hey, you were the one who called me Martel! If you'd kept your mouth shut, we might've gotten away with it!" Martel snapped back. The air seemed to be cracking with electricity.

"_Gotten away with it?_ You were hovering fifty feet above the ground! It's odd enough we got away with Colette being Spiritua's rebirth!" Kratos retorted.

"Who?"

"Nevermind! It doesn't matter! The point is that you screwed things up! I won't be able to show my face in Altamira for years!"

"Yuan! Kratos is yelling at me! Do something!" Martel called at her fiancée, who simply shrugged.

"So what are we going to do now?" Zelos interfered.

"The word will have spread by tomorrow. Everyone knows that Martel is linked to Cruxis, and I bet they'll have recognised Kratos by now too. We need to keep our heads low and stop campaigning for a while. Also, we're going to have to close the tower of salvation off to anyone who isn't a seraph, so that fans and strong believers don't try to get to Vinheim." Yuan sighed.

"Then how's Genis going to get in?" Mithos asked suddenly.

"He won't!" Martel said with a nasty grin.

* * *

After the beach incident, Martel's feeling of superiority decreased a little. Which meant that the seraphim could have fun with their weekly scrabble evening, without Martel breathing down their necks. Or so they thought. 

"Yuan, dear?" Martel appeared in the doorway, just as Zelos was spelling a new word.

"Me and Kratos totally weren't flirting with each other through the scrabble words!" Yuan blurted out, quickly wiping all the words off the board again. Martel stared.

"Nooo! My triple word score! And it wasn't even a perverted word this time!" Zelos whined. Lloyd patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

"I mean… yes?" Yuan turned to Martel.

"Well, see, I was ironing your clothes when I remembered that I left some cookies in the oven. So I quickly ran into the kitchen to get them. Sadly, by the time I got there, they were already burnt. Seriously, they should invent some sort of alarm that goes off when cookies burst into flames. And I don't get why the laundry room is on the fifth floor, when the kitchen is on the first floor anyway. Who was your architect? I want to kick his ass."

"Martel, get to the point." Mithos muttered, as he was the one who designed Vinheim the second.

"So I went back upstairs and eh… Noticed I forgot to turn off the iron." Martel held up a black piece of cloth with a hole in it, shaped like an iron.

"My cloak!" Yuan exclaimed, nearly bursting into tears. He jumped to his feet and snatched it from her hands, inspecting the damage.

"They should invent some sort of alarm that goes off when you forget to turn off your iron…" Martel muttered.

"You can't help but blame it on others, can you?" Kratos asked, as Yuan wept over his cloak. Martel mumbled something incoherently.

"I think we might have to cremate it to put it out of its misery." Yuan murmured, petting the ex-cloak softly.

"Uh… Yeah, Yuan, we'll do that later." Zelos said slowly.

"I left all my spare cloaks in the Triet base…" Yuan sighed.

"That's okay, we'll go and get them!" Martel said grinning.

"You and me? But…" Yuan went into shock.

"We'll all go!" Kratos called quickly.

"What, you too?" Martel asked.

"Yeah, us too?" Mithos asked.

"Sure, we have nothing better to do now that our scrabble game is ruined." Kratos stared at all the letters, that were scattered across the floor.

"It'll take hours to get there flying…" Lloyd commented.

"We'll just teleport there. That's what I always do." Kratos nodded wisely. Martel glared at him.

"Well, since me and Lloyd don't know how to teleport, we'll just stay here." Zelos grinned at Lloyd, who grinned back.

* * *

((Heh, we all know what Zelos and Lloyd are gonna do... Next chappie; Renegade base!)) 

((Oh, I wrote a ToS musical, but I'm not allowed to upload it on because it's scriptformat. So if you want to read it, just mail me, and I'll send it to you!))


	12. Chapter eleven

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Oh look, all my regulars reviewed!

**DraNKa:** Nah, it was just a natural tidal wave. ... Or was it?... Yeah, it was.

**Katandshadow:** I got your mail. Yush! I wonder if we will end up talking non-stop...

**Invader Meow:** Lol! The ashes in a jar? That would be kinda psycho, wouldn't it?

**Blackdrak:** Actually, I kinda see Yuan as the housewife, instead of Kratos... With a pink apron, and pink oven mitts... Martel outside, squishing her face against the window, to drool at the food... But they won't let her inside, and just close the curtains... Heh, I'm crazy!

Oh, I loved writing this chapter. It's emotional, but funny at the same time))

* * *

Chapter eleven. 

A minute later the group appeared outside Triet base. The sun had already gone down, but the night sky was illuminated by the base's eerie blue lights.

"This place gives me the creeps." Mithos shivered lightly.

"Don't be such a scaredykatz!" Martel said shortly.

"Actually, I think the base might be haunted by Botta's ghost." Yuan commented casually. Everyone stared at him. "See, Botta always used to take care of the Renegades's financial stuff. But now that he's gone, I have to do it all myself. Or so I think." Yuan's voice dropped to a whisper as he continued. "Sometimes, when I'm working deep into the night, the lights start to flicker. On and off, on and off. As though they're saying 'Go to bed sir. The insurance bills can wait until tomorrow…'. So naturally I think it's all due to sleep shortage, and go to bed. But when I wake up the next morning, all my work will have mysteriously finished." Yuan ended the story with a creepy tone of voice. A collective shudder ran through the group.

"Let's just go inside." Martel said, breaking the mood.

"Ooh! Allow me!" Kratos pushed his hand against a control panel in the wall. After a high-pitched beeping sound, the door next to it slid open with a hiss. "Yuan's base opens to my touch! Does Yuan's base open to _your_ touch, Martel?" the auburn haired seraph asked with a wide grin.

"It will! Won't it Yuan?" Martel asked, but Yuan had already gone inside. Kratos and Martel quickly followed.

"Ah! Wait for me!" Mithos ran after them.

* * *

The gang crowded into Yuan's office, and Martel's eye immediately fell on the large work of art behind the desk. 

"Oh my! What a ghastly painting!" she exclaimed, before recognising Yuan's signature in the bottom right corner. "Errr, I mean… Ghastly good, dear!"

"Just wait here." Yuan sighed, disappearing into the bedroom. Kratos stared sadly at the closed door, and Mithos immediately helped himself to a drink from Yuan's mini fridge. Meanwhile, Martel's eyes swept the office, and came to rest on three pictures on the desk. One was of the group as they were four thousand years ago, one was of the group as they were when Lloyd and Zelos got married, and one was of Kratos and Yuan at Altamira's theme park. Martel quickly shoved the last picture into the garbage. Suddenly, the bedroom door opened again to reveal Yuan, wearing a brand-new cloak, which looked exactly like the old one.

"Hey, that's odd." He said. "I could have sworn I left a cupcake on my desk yesterday…"

"So?" Mithos stared at the cupcake-less desk.

"Botta used to love cupcakes! In fact, one might say he'd **kill** for a cupcake!" Yuan said innocently.

"Thatsiti'moutofhere!" Mithos quickly shot out the door, and Yuan had to hide his grin behind his hand. Then Martel said something that wiped the grin right off his face again.

"You know, we should redecorate this place if we want to live here when we're married." She commented. Yuan's eye started twitching.

"M-married? Live here?" he stuttered.

"Yes! You don't want to continue living in that castle, do you?"

"Actually…"

"Ofcourse, we need to give this place a more homey look, and less of a sci-fi movie look." Martel continued, heading for the door. Yuan shuddered and walked after her. Nobody noticed Kratos fishing the picture out of the garbage again, and stuffing it safely in his pocket.

* * *

The next day a week had passed since their last Seraphim meeting, so it was time for a new one. Mithos wanted to save himself some humiliation, and immediately sat down so that Martel could take her place at the blackboard. 

"Alright, since we're supposed to keep a low profile for a while, the anti-discrimination meetings will be suspended until further notice." She began. The other seraphim started cheering madly. Martel silenced them with a glare. "Which means it is time for the next topic on our agenda. Mithos's four thousand and sixteenth birthday."

"That time of the year _again?_" Yuan exclaimed.

"We shall celebrate it this Saturday. I'm sure it can be held in the church of Martel in Flanoir again, just like previous years. And since it has become a bit of a tradition, we'll all go in couples again."

"Yay!" Zelos cheered. "I'm with Lloyd, ofcourse."

"I wanna go with Genis!" Mithos called.

"Mithos, don't you think you should invite someone who _isn't_ an annoying brat?" Martel asked.

"It's my birthday, and I'll invite whoever I want to invite!" Mithos called back.

"Oh fine. So I'll go with Yuan and-"

"Hey, who am I supposed to go with then?" Kratos shouted.

"Don't know, don't care!" Martel shrugged.

* * *

((Soooo, who's Kratos going to go with? Heheheh, I know... Do you?)) 

((Yuan finally had a bit of a big role again. The poor guy hasn't had much to do up until now, has he?))

((The idea of Botta's ghost makes me smile. Heheh))


	13. Chapter twelve

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: Me again! Yay! Heh, I'm lucky I finished this fic a few weeks ago, because I'm swamped with fanfic work now.

**Katandshadow:** Who is Kratos's partner for the party? Heeheeh! Let's find out!

**Blackdrak:** Lol! Nah, Botta hasn't really returned. Yuan just made it up to scare Mithos. Or did he?... Yeah, yeah he did.

**DraNKa:** Kratos is gonna be brave eventually. Next chapter, actually.

**Ookami Aya:** Oh my! A Botta fan! I didn't think I'd see the day!

**Dragonwings144:** Thanks for both reviews! They really made me smile. And yeah, I suppose I forgot about the sorcerors ring. But, then again, what would he use it for? Shoot fireballs at the wall?

Enjoy this almost last chapter!))

* * *

Chapter twelve. 

The next day, invitations were handed out, and Saturday arrived all too soon. Martel refused to take a detour so they could pick up Genis, and the group immediately headed to Flanoir. As usual, it was pleasantly snowing. The church of Martel was once again decorated for the occasion, and luckily, nobody bothered to go to the church to pray these days anyway.

Raine, Sheena and Genis arrived right on time. Martel gave both Genis and Raine a nasty glare, which Raine returned. Genis, however, ignored her and immediately went to talk to Mithos. Five minutes later, Regal and Presea arrived too, and the church started to get slightly full. Yuan was moody, grumpy and sulky. The fact that he wasn't in charge of catering again only made things worse, so he sat down in a corner and stared blankly into space. Most people avoided him.

"Well people, I think we're all here now." Martel started counting the group.

"Actually, Kratos still isn't here!" Lloyd said loudly.

"Heh, I bet he isn't coming. He couldn't find a partner and now he's just hiding in his room." Martel snorted. But at that moment, the door opened and Kratos entered.

"Hey dad! And… dad?" Lloyd stared.

"Hiya Lloyd!" Dirk waved at him cheerfully. "Boy, we haven't seen each other in quite a while."

"Errr… Yeah…"

"Have you been wearing clean underwear? Don't forget dwarven vow number one hundred and fifteen! Clean underwear is the first step on the path to righteousness!" Dirk struck his famous dwarf pose, and Lloyd flushed as everyone laughed at him.

"I haven't forgotten!" he said quickly. "Kratos, can I talk to you for a sec? In private?"

"Sure Lloyd." Kratos followed Lloyd to a corner of the room.

"Why the heck did you come here with… my other dad?" Lloyd exclaimed.

"I had to bring someone. I couldn't give Martel the satisfaction of knowing I need Yuan! That's he's my everything! My love and-"

"Whoah! Stop! Not another word! I don't want the nightmares to start again!" Lloyd shuddered. "Couldn't you bring someone else? Someone who isn't… my adoptive dad who likes to embarrass me?"

"There aren't many people on the surface who know I'm an angel, and a member of Cruxis. Except for those who were already invited. Besides, we're not here as a couple. We're here as friends. Or, even better, vague acquaintances!"

"Yeah, but still…" Lloyd stared at Dirk, who was admiring the wonderful structure of the church by banging his hammer against a pillar.

"Don't worry, he won't be trouble." Kratos assured him, before wandering off to get a drink.

* * *

Soon the party was well on its way, and gifts were unpacked. Mithos had gotten a whole bunch of cool presents, and was surprised to find Yuan didn't even give him a prank gift this year. 

"Wow, he must be really upset…" Mithos mumbled to Genis, before the boys ran off to play with the new kendama Genis had gotten him. Regal and Lloyd started discussing new business opportunities that were bound to get them a lot of money, while Presea wrote it all down. Meanwhile, Zelos, Raine and Sheena started a pie throwing contest. Zelos lost spectacularly when both girls dumped a plate of pie on his hair. They were then occupied by getting him to stop crying. Ignoring the loud wailing, Martel started a conversation with Dirk about renovating the Triet base.

"Ofcourse, a base that size would cost a lot of money. If it's as big as you say it is, I think most of it would have to be demolished." Dirk pondered.

"Oh, that's alright. We have no need for such a big house." Martel said smiling.

"I see. Well, I would recommend decorating it in Sybak style. Very authentic, and not too expensive. As for wallpaper, spring colours are really in these days."

"Oooh, that sounds wonderful!" Martel squealed.

"But you can feel free to visit my house whenever you want, and take a look at the catalogue. Dwarven vow number five hundred and fifty-four, The customer is king!" Dirk struck his trademark pose again.

"Eh… Yeah, I'll do that." Martel looked back to report this good news, but noticed that the corner Yuan had been occupying all evening was empty. "Hey, where did he go?" she asked aloud. Then she noticed Kratos was gone too. "Dammit!"

* * *

((-_evil snicker_- All you YuanxKratos fans will rejoice next chapter, which will also be the last. I'll immediately upload the epilogue too.)) 

((The customer is king is based on a Dutch pronoun. I'm not sure if it exists in English, but I chose it anyway.))


	14. Chapter thirteen

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

((A/N: The last chapter everyone! Will Yuan and Kratos end up together afterall? And what will happen to Martel? Let's find out! But first... reviews! A lot of them this time...))

**Katandshadow:** Soooo... You wanna rejoice eh? Let's see if it happens...

**Da deltadasher demon:** Lol! Not being able to stand Martel is the whole point!

**Invader Meow:** Yuan doesn't have any say in the matter of his base. He could freak silently, but he's already sort of snapped, hasn't he?

**Ookami Aya:** Heh, it bet it would be nice to have Botta as your buddy. You could totally use him as a sidekick for everything.

**Dragonwings144: **Lloyd's getting teased for having two dads too. Luckily, those two dads are not an actual couple.

**Yukithefox:** Lol! Late review is better than no review, right?

**Blackdrak:** Thinking of lame dwarven vows is a LOT of fun!

**Off:** Here ya go, the end. Let's see if Martel bites the dust...

Thank you all soooo much for your reviews! I couldn't have done it without you all! Enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter thirteen. 

Outside the church of Martel, two lone figures were standing on the balcony.

"I can't take it anymore! That woman! She's gone mad!" Yuan growled.

"Take it easy Yuan. You should just tell her you don't want to marry her anymore." Kratos said softly. Yuan's eye twitched.

"I can't! She'll rip me to pieces! I was the one who proposed to her. I can't just take it back!"

"Then how do you think it's going to be when you're married?" Kratos asked.

"Stop saying the M word!" Yuan shouted, as his eye twitched again. Kratos sighed and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a picture frame and handed it to Yuan. The blue-haired seraph stared at it.

"Where did you get this?" he asked after a long silence.

"Martel threw it in the garbage." Kratos replied shortly. There was another silence. "You have to tell her, Yuan."

"I…"

Suddenly, the church's door slammed open. Kratos gasped, and Yuan dropped the picture in shock. Luckily, it landed in the soft snow.

"Kratos Aurion, step away from my fiancée!" Martel shrieked, stomping towards them.

"No!" Kratos sidestepped in front of Yuan. "I won't let you take him! Even though he's annoying, sarcastic, whiney, always starts fights and tried to kill me several times… He's everything I have!"

"Errr… thanks?" Yuan said uncertainly.

"This is your last chance! Step away!" Martel growled.

"Never!" Kratos called.

"You asked for it, mister!" Martel made her staff appear out of nowhere again, and used it to slam the auburn-haired man in the face. He immediately fell to the ground, knocked out cold. Luckily, he too landed in the soft snow.

"And as for you…" Martel's eyes narrowed as she turned to Yuan. "You're getting married to me, next week! We're going inside right now, and share the good news with everyone! And you'd better be happy about it, or else!"

"I… I…" Yuan nearly burst out crying. Martel grabbed him by his arm and dragged him inside.

* * *

"Hey everyone, your attention please!" Martel called, and everyone turned to look at her. "Yuan has something to tell you!" Martel pushed her fiancée forward. He stumbled for a second, and then stared blankly at the group. 

"Errr… Well, you see…" Yuan began, but he was interrupted as the door opened again behind him.

"Hey, why is Kratos lying unconscious in the snow?" asked a voice, so incredibly horrible and annoying, even the bravest of men cower in fear.

"Colette!" Everyone exclaimed. Colette skipped inside, tripped, and crashed into Martel. This resulted in both girls falling to the ground with a shriek. "I'm sorry!" Colette called, which was followed by her trademark 'I'm lying' giggle. She quickly scrambled to her feet again, and dusted herself off. "Hiya Lloyd! Feel like divorcing Zelos yet? Cause I'm still available!"

"No, I do _not_ feel like divorcing Zelos!" Lloyd shouted in frustration. Obviously Colette had asked this question many times before.

"Colette, don't you think it's about time you forget about your childhood crush, and move on? I mean, you're nineteen years old by now!" Raine exclaimed.

"I'm nineteen and a half…" Colette pouted.

"Excuse me, but who is this girl? She seems familiar." Martel cut in.

"Colette Brunel, the thorn in our side and ex-chosen of Sylvarant. You were inside her body once, remember?" Lloyd explained.

"Oh yeaaah! Wow, she's really matured over the years hasn't she?" Martel remarked, eyeing the chosen.

"She has?" Everyone else eyed her too. "Well, she's still the same annoying klutz on the inside."

"I think it's cute."

"Whaaaaat?" Everyone's jaw dropped as they stared at Martel.

"Why, thank you!" Colette giggled.

"Oh my. I just realised something. I'm gay!" Martel exclaimed.

"Whaaaaaaaaaat?" Everyone's jaw dropped even more.

"Yes, it all makes sense! I got together with Yuan, because he was so girly! I was subconsciously waiting for him to turn into a girl one day!"

"H-hey!" Yuan stuttered.

"Colette, let's forget about this dull party and go have some fun ourselves!" Martel said grinning.

"Heheheh, okay!" Colette nodded. "Bye Lloyd!" and with that, both girls skipped out the door. Everyone stared after them.

"Uuuuh… Yay?" Yuan said uncertainly.

* * *

((Wasn't that just the best ending ever? This way, everyone is happy! But... There's an epilogue too! So read it!)) 


	15. Epilogue

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot seraphim tres.

* * *

Epilogue. 

And so the gang kept the party going until deep into the night. Dirk, however, dozed off after half an hour. But nobody cared. Everyone was too busy rejoicing. Especially Yuan and Kratos. At three o' clock in the morning, however, everyone decided it was time to head home. They were so tired and drunk, they forgot to clean the place up. So when a couple of citizens from Flanoir entered the church on Sunday morning, they found one heck of a mess, and a dwarf snoring loudly in a corner. They were not pleased.

After having a few hours of sleep, we find the guys of Cruxis in the kitchen, having breakfast. Even though it was already far in the afternoon.

"I've never seen such a happy ending." Lloyd said, grinning widely.

"Yeah, it's like hitting two annoying nags with one stone." Yuan added happily, sitting in Kratos's lap. At that moment the door slammed open.

"Gooood morning guys!" Martel called. Yuan was so startled, he fell to the floor. Everyone else stared at the woman with wide, fearful eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Mithos asked after a long silence.

"Heh, I live here! Duh!" Martel giggled. "I returned five minutes ago, myself. Boy, that Colette is a rowdy girl!"

Everyone shuddered in horror.

"Oh, and I've got good news for you!" Martel continued.

"You're going to become a hermit?" Kratos asked.

"Why you little…!" Martel snarled, but she quickly regained her suspiciously cheerful mood. "Nooo, I asked Colette to move in with us."

Yuan, who had just crawled to his feet, fell over again.

"C-could you repeat that?" Lloyd asked weakly, but his question was answered when Colette came skipping into the kitchen, carrying a large suitcase.

"Hiiii Lloyd!" she called. "And… you other people." She added in a Zelos way.

"Whyyyyyyyyyyy?" Lloyd shrieked. Meanwhile, Zelos had gone into some sort of shock. He'd turned incredibly pale as he stared unblinkingly at Colette, his left eye twitching slightly.

"Oh, don't worry Zelos. I don't like Lloyd anymore, so I won't steal him away from you." Colette said, misinterpreting the redhead's look of horror. "Martel reminded me I can do much better than him!"

"Yeah. Why bother with a multimillionaire when you can have _me_?" Martel smiled. Everyone started coughing loudly to stifle their laughs.

"Now there are seven seraphim!" Colette said cheerfully.

"Six." Lloyd corrected her. "I'm president of the Mana company, and don't have time to do Seraph stuff, remember?"

"Yeah, I know. I counted myself twice." Colette smiled widely.

"Isn't she adorable?" Martel petted her on the head affectionately.

"My eyes! They burn with badness!" Mithos (and most of you loyal readers) shouted.

And that's how the idiots of Cruxis got to be known as the six seraphim, and Lloyd.

* * *

((THE END!)) 

((I wanna thank all you loyal readers and reviewers once more, and leave you with the message that, yes, this is the last Idiot Seraphim fic. It's heartbreaking, I know, but there's no other way.))

((I also leave you with the message that I have started Idiot Renegade. This is a prequel to Idiot seraphim, showing just how Yuan was spending his time during the game. Ofcourse, the ending of the game will divert to Mithos turning good, and Kratos not going to Derris-kharlan, because that's what's in the Idiot seraphim prologue. You catch my drift? It'll be up in a few days, so keep an eye out for that.))


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